6 things to keep in mind when creating powerful habits
We all want good habits but struggle to stick to them. Like New Year’s resolutions, we start off well intentioned and motivated only to give up a few days or weeks later.
According to the experts, the reasons people fail to create habits are for the following reasons:
They don’t really want to do the habits and don’t believe the habits will actually work.
They underestimate the power of habit creation.
They don’t make the habits automatic.
They make the habits too big.
They don’t anchor them.
They don’t celebrate.
They don’t make them pleasurable.
They give up entirely.
They rely on motivation alone.
Believe in the habit
Since the age of 14, I drank black coffee. It became my personal theme, my identity. After all, one of my favorite songs was “Black Coffee” by Ella Fitzgerald.
Researching the benefits of giving up coffee, I found just as many websites touting the benefits of coffee as its dangers.
In the book Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization, Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey show how beliefs and mind-sets — aka immunities — can prevent important changes from happening. According to research, only one in seven heart patients actually make the habit changes necessary to save their lives. Why? All seven have a desire to keep on living. So, why do the six not change? The answer lies in their belief system.
Identify the habits you want. Make sure that the habits you choose are things you want to do, not the “shoulds” or “coulds.” These are things that give you pleasure and that would increase your energy.
Get clear on your belief around the habit you want to create. Why do you want to make the change? What will the change bring you? What will you have to give up to create this habit?
Realize the power of habit creation
There is power in creating habits. If we start taking our medication regularly or stop smoking, these habits can save our lives. Also, know that habits can actually change your brain. In his popular book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg recounts the story of an unhappy, overweight woman who hated her job and smoked cigarettes. She changed her habits by moving to the desert, quit smoking, and picking up jogging. One year later, brain scans showed actual physical changes. The same went for alcoholics who replaced alcohol with frequent AA meetings. These recovered alcoholics were able to show brain changes in their scans as well.
Make them automatic
Habits can simplify your life in that they free you up from making too many decisions. The part of the brain that makes decisions, the prefrontal cortex, gets tired as the day goes on. David Rock in Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long describes the importance of the prefrontal cortex and its diminishing energy throughout the day. If you use up all your decision-making energy on unimportant things, you won’t have any energy left for important things during the course of your day.
The best example of someone who understands this concept of saving decision-making energy is founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, who is famous for wearing grey T-shirts every day. He says he does this to minimize the number of decisions he makes in order to save energy for important things, like “serving more than a billion people.”
Duhigg also cites the rat in the maze experiment as proof that by automating a habit, we save brain energy. A rat and a piece of chocolate were put at opposite ends of a maze. The scientists monitored the mouse’s brain activity while it sniffed and looked for the chocolate. The brain activity was significant during this search. The scientists repeated the experiment over and over again and noted that the rat’s mental activity decreased each time he was put in the maze, as his brain got used to the process. After some time, the mouse whisked through the maze as if on autopilot, his brain barely making any waves.
Wouldn’t you like your morning routine to be like that… easy, as if on autopilot?
Start small and anchor them
Dr. BJ Fogg, a Stanford University teacher and behavior scientist, has studied habits and created what is known as the “Tiny Habits” program. His premise is that habits that are small and easy to accomplish don’t require a lot of motivation. On the other hand, habits that are difficult require a lot of motivation.
Any behavior you do requires three things, according to Fogg. You need motivation, ability and a prompt (B=MAP).
A prompt is a behavior you already do reliably every day. And this is where you anchor your new habit. So let’s say you always go to the bathroom first thing in the morning and then you flush. This act of flushing could be your prompt for a habit, like weighing yourself or meditating.
Ability is related to how difficult or simple the behavior is to do. For example, if you aspire to eat less chocolate, you could just not have it in the house. Or you could put it on the top shelf in your kitchen, requiring you to pull out a step stool to reach it. You would be decreasing your ability to reach it and hence eat it.
Ability is made up of money, time, physical effort, mental effort, and routine. You can increase or decrease your ability by making the habit smaller or simpler. If a habit requires money and you don’t have it, the behavior will likely not happen. If you don’t have the time for a certain activity, it also will not happen.
Next steps
1. Write a list of 20 possible habits you could create and then narrow the list down to 10.
My list looked something like this:
Meditate 20 minutes every morning upon waking
Do 20 minutes of exercise every morning (start with 5 push ups)
Take vitamins and minerals
Drink 1 liter of water minimum
Journal each morning
Cook green leafy vegetables every evening
Be in bed by 10pm (to wake up by 6am… I need 8 hours of sleep)
Walk minimum 10,000 steps per day
Practice the piano each day for 20 minutes
Read 10 pages in a book each evening
2. Now scale them back to 30 seconds or less. So, the scaled back version of my list would look like this:
Meditate for 30 seconds every morning upon waking
Do 2 push ups
Place my vitamins and minerals into a bowl the night before
Fill my water bottle
Drink one sip from the water bottle
Pick up my journal and my pen and write one sentence
Buy already washed leafy greens
Head into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
I put my shoes and jacket on
Sit at the piano and play one measure
Pick up book and read one sentence in a book each evening
3. Pick a prompt or a behavior you already and reliably do each day and find its trailing edge. Here are some examples: eyes opening, flushing the toilet after going to the bathroom, closing the refrigerator door, walking into the kitchen, closing your laptop, getting up from the table, picking up that coffee cup, or stepping into your house.
4. Pair the prompt with the scaled back habit.
After my eyes open, I will meditate for 30 seconds.
After I flush the toilet, I will do 2 push ups.
After I start the dishwasher, I will place my vitamins and minerals into a bowl the night before.
After I walk into the kitchen, I will fill my water bottle.
After I close my laptop, I will take one sip from the water bottle.
After I pick up my coffee cup and head back to bed, I will pick up my journal and my pen and write one sentence.
After I open the refrigerator door at dinner time, I will pull out my already purchased washed leafy greens.
After I walk the dog, and lock the front door and turn off the lights, I will head to the bathroom to brush my teeth (start my evening bedtime routine)
After I get dressed, I put my shoes and jacket on.
After I leave the kitchen, I sit at the piano and play one measure.
After I get in bed, I pick up a book and read one sentence in a book each evening.
5. Choose three habits to start with. Creating habits is trial and error. Don’t be afraid to modify your list as time goes on. Make sure you pick habits that have an impact on your life and that satisfy your aspirations. Most importantly, make sure these are habits you REALLY want to do. Eliminate any shoulds.
“I believe you should work on multiple habits at once because that’s how you learn what matters,” Fogg writes. “There’s a reason you work on three new behaviors rather than just one. When you focus on three new behaviors, you learn how habits work.”
6. Celebrate. Sing a song, do a victory dance, do a fist bump, smile, or give yourself a thumbs up. This gives you a dopamine hit. Fogg says that celebrating your behavior or habit makes it automatic, or wires it in. You do this by celebrating immediately after the 30 second behavior. It’s even better if the habit brings you intrinsic rewards.
Besides giving us a sense of control, habits can feel good. Starting off the day with a healthy delicious breakfast is pleasurable. A meditation practice — once established — creates clarity and relaxation. Exercise feels great once the body gets used to it.
The reward is key, experts agree. Whatever habit you adopt needs to bring you a similar pleasurable reward to the habit you are trying to replace.
What unresolved matters are draining your confidence and time?
Clearing up old business is key to creating more time, space and energy in the present. Being able to handle problems as they arise is more possible when unresolved matters are no longer draining you, robbing you of time, confidence and opportunities. What incomplete projects do you have?
Do you have some bad habits or coping skills you want to get rid of?
Are there people from your past you would dread bumping into in the street or at a party?
Are you wondering why you have unresolved matters in your life?
A great tool for helping us identify old business is the Clean Sweep Program, a quiz you can find on my website. You can click on the download and fill it out in your own time.
What’s the Clean Sweep Program?
It’s a self-evaluation tool with 100 statements divided equally in each of the following four categories:
A. Physical Environment
B. Health and Emotional Balance
C. Money
D. Relationships
For each statement, think whether or not it applies to you and is always true. If so, then add a checkmark next to the statement. If it’s not true, leave it. Examples of the statements include:
“My car is in excellent condition (doesn’t need mechanical work, repairs, cleaning or replacing). “
“I have had a complete physical exam in the past three years.”
“I live on a weekly budget that allows me to save and not suffer.”
“I have told my parents in the last three months that I love them.”
Then add up all your check marks. Write down your score out of 25 for each section. Then add up the scores for an overall score out of 100.
The benefit of this quiz is to help us identify the things in our lives that are unresolved or outstanding. It’s normal to start off in the 20 to 70 range. Don’t worry if you are below that; it just means, you have more to work on. With the help of your coach, you can start clearing up those items.
Every quarter or six months, you can redo the quiz to see your progress. Sometimes, just doing the quiz gives us an idea of where the energy drain is coming from. Every time I do the quiz, which is every year, my score improves.
The area I struggle the most with is my physical environment. I am a hoarder and don’t like to throw out stuff. The result of my last quiz taking resulted in some of the following goals:
- Electric kettle needs replacing.
- I abuse caffeine (coffee).
- I need to complete current draft of book.
- I need to prioritize friends and family over busy-work.
With the help of my coach, I will prioritize my list and then tackle it, one item at a time. I thought about not replacing the kettle and just throwing out the old one, curing myself of the coffee addiction in a kind of two-for-the-price-of one move… but I’m really digging the green tea. (Since starting this article, I replaced the kettle and feel great!)
Contact me to send you the free quiz!
Get rid of tolerations and increase your energy levels
Imagine that each time you go through your hallway and flick the switch, the light fails to come on. And each times this happens, you think: “Damn, someday I’ll get around to changing that bulb.” As you’re always in a rush, this tedious task stays undone.
It doesn’t get done, because the steps required to accomplish this task are overwhelming. These steps include: 1) going to the basement to get the ladder, 2) climbing up it, 3) unscrewing the bulb, 4) reading the wattage on the bulb, 5) climbing back down, 6) putting the ladder away, 7) adding said bulb to the grocery store list, etc.
Annoying, hey?
Imagine you had 50 such annoying things in your home and work environments. Wouldn’t you really feel exhausted and overwhelmed?
Many of us can admit to having such annoying things that we put up with, and they are called tolerations.
Tolerations drain us. They keep us from becoming the best versions of ourselves.
One of the first exercises that we are taught in life coaching school is to identify and write down 5–10 tolerations in each of the following three categories:
· Home
· Work
· Relationships
This doesn’t mean we have to immediately know how to solve them. The “how” will appear with time. Just the act of writing them down is key.
Then, using the help of our coach, we are to tackle them, getting rid of them at the source. For example, if you’re always late paying your bills, it could mean setting up automatic payments to make future bill paying a breeze.
If you are unhappy in your neighborhood, write down the elements you would need in a living environment that would support you best. Then, identify some places having such elements, then go, and check and them out.
By eliminating your tolerations, you will have more energy to devote to the things that feed your energy and grow your business.
Examples of tolerations in each category include:
Your Home
1. The carpet in your living room needs cleaning
2. The electric kettle needs replacing
3. Closets are full and disorganized
4. Home is located in bad location
5. Paying a fee for something that you are not using
Your Relationships
1. You’re in a romantic relationship that is draining you of energy
2. Your kids are on electronics all the time
3. You don’t feel you have enough friends or time with friends
4. Your kids aren’t doing chores
5. You need to improve your communication with your spouse
Your Work
1. Not having a good space to work undisrupted
2. Not having enough clients
3. Not carving enough time and space to work on the creative side of your work
4. Feeling stressed out
5. Being in the wrong job
Just by identifying these tolerations, you are on your way. Every six months, I revisit my list, crossing off things I’ve accomplished and adding new ones.
For example, I once had the following tolerations in my work life:
1. Working at home is impossible sometimes… too many disturbances
2. Wifi doesn’t work everywhere in the house
3. Feeling like I need more education on corporate coaching
4. Stressed out, overwhelmed
5. Not having enough time to write
By installing a new router in my house, I made creating a home office in the back of the house possible. Now, I have a place where I can close the door and work without disturbances. With that solution, I resolved two tolerations at once. I enrolled in an advanced corporate coaching program that is contributing to my feeling more comfortable with my level of competency in that area. I am less stressed out and overwhelmed because I have gotten better at saying “no” to stuff and carving time to write. I also silence my phone and notifications. All of this has contributed to increased energy levels.
Three things to keep in mind when transforming your life
Often we hear of transformations that are one-dimensional, i.e. a person loses tons of weight or gets rich. When I hear of such examples, I am left wondering how the rest of his or her life is going. Are they actually happy?
Recently, I ran into a fellow coach in one of my professional development classes, who not only got my attention because of his personal and professional transformations but also because of his charismatic and non-judgmental style.
His name is Dave Walker and he’s a career transition and “Halftime Life Journey” coach as well as a storyteller and professional speaker. His writing includes blogs that describe his personal experiences and knowledge; he is writing a book “Tell Me Why I Now Love Mondays” that shares what he learned from his mid-life transformation.
The story began seven years ago when Walker woke up one Monday morning (his least favorite day of the week), deciding he had had enough of his life and couldn’t take his consulting job any longer. He had recently hit 265 lbs, drank too much, lacked energy and motivation, felt isolated and disconnected from his friends and his family. He didn't know it yet, but he was clinically depressed.
That day, he went to work and asked to quit. He said it was scary, as he had a family to support. Instead of accepting his quitting, his boss offered him a new role in another division—which Walker describes as giving him a “sense of relief” and validation. Walker took the job.
Then, one and a half years later, after a divorce that left him a single parent, he stood looking at himself in the mirror, and he had another self-revelation.
“I’m going to die of a heart attack and I’m going to leave my kids without a father,” he said to himself.
The thought was so horrifying that he put on his roller blades and started exercising. Yes, roller blades! You see… Walker loves having fun. As a matter of fact, fun is one of his motivators. He says it’s one of the ways of making things easy and sustainable. He also loves to connect with people and facilitate groups; he does so by creating workshops and writing.
Forward five and a half years--or seven years since he woke up on that fateful Monday morning wanting to quit his job--Walker now weighs 195 lbs and feels passionate about his career. He wakes up feeling excited, even on Monday mornings. He feels close to his kids, his extended family and his friends. He’s even found a partner, with whom he feels a deep connection.
So I asked him, if he could give us three tips or take-aways to make transformational change in our lives, and he gave me the following:
1. It’s your choice: His first point is that change is only possible when we want to change. I call this “hitting bottom” or reaching such a painful stage in life, that it is unbearable to continue in the same way. “I was tired of giving up on life,” he says.
2. Don’t take on the world: Change starts with just one step at a time. Walker divided his life into four quadrants: 1. Career; 2. Self; 3. Family and friends; 4. Soul mate. He focused on only one “quadrant” at a time.
“I see people who are not taking care of themselves, and I just want them to understand the concept of putting the oxygen mask on themselves first,” he says.
He believes that it is important to start with one’s personal and professional foundations in order to have the energy for the other quadrants.
“We often try to start with the others and run out of steam,” he says.
Each change gave him the energy to make further changes.
“I was like a kid each time I hit a new quadrant."
If he had tried to do everything at the same time, it probably would have been too overwhelming and would have deprived him of the energy and motivation needed to accomplish the things in the other quadrants.
To illustrate this, Walker describes how after he lost the weight, his suits no longer fit him, prompting him to order new ones in the same cut as those worn by Daniel Craig, the James Bond actor. Walker (a 007 fan) admires Craig’s portrayal of Bond for his vulnerable yet tough image.
Wearing his new suit, he took a selfie. When he looked at it, he thought he resembled Craig. This external change gave him the confidence and courage to tackle internal areas.
“I became addicted to change,” he says.
3. It takes time, effort and grit: So for the past seven years, Walker has been getting to know himself and as a result “feels like he’s been more in his skin.” He’s built momentum, allowing each change to lead to another. Now, he’s focused on writing his book describing his transformation, on coaching his clients, running workshops, public speaking and working on building his business. He admits to some fear associated with the financial end of things, but he is confident that by applying the same determination and commitment that he placed on the other quadrants of his life, he will attain his new career goals too.