The Pressures of Privilege: a new chapter

When I told my mother I was going to rename this blog, “The Pressures of Privilege” and start writing about money, she shuddered.

In families like mine, talking about money is taboo—yet it remains central to our lives, often cloaked in terms like "legacy," quietly dictating our choices, relationships, and responsibilities.

Why this change?

Since returning to Rhode Island from Switzerland, I've felt out of alignment. My journey has been unconventional: after seven years in journalism in the US, I spent 17 years in the Swiss Alps, where I connected with my late father's agrarian roots, worked for a community newspaper, and helped found a magazine. During this time, I got sober, identified my core values—mastery, empathy, and authenticity—and transitioned from journalism to coaching. I became an ICF-certified coach, wrote a yet-to-be-published book, and explored everything from finding purpose to navigating life as an Adult Third Culture Kid.

But something was still missing. Back in my mother's world, I found myself hiding and isolating.

Working with coaches to navigate this internal block, I began to question my limiting beliefs.

As I embraced my English-American heritage—a part of me that had felt disconnected for so long—something shifted.

Clients who shared my experience with inherited wealth began to find me, and for the first time, I felt genuine empathy for people facing similar challenges.

My unique perspective comes from being the daughter of a Swiss mountain guide and an American philanthropist and photojournalist. This dual heritage blends Swiss pragmatism with American optimism, old-world discretion with new-world transparency.

Three foundational pillars

As we explore The Pressures of Privilege, our discussions will center around:

1. Identity & Worth: Discover tools and strategies to define your authentic path, embrace your self-worth, and break free from the limitations of societal expectations.

2. Belonging & Well-Being: Learn how to cultivate deeper connections, improve your mental health, and build a support system that aligns with your values.

3. Responsibilities & Legacy: Gain clarity on balancing family expectations with personal vision while making a meaningful impact through your wealth.

To ground these pillars, I'm launching a three-part series called “Beyond the Golden Ghetto” which will explore:

1. The money taboo: why wealth can feel ugly to those who inherit it

2. When shame is the norm: unpacking love, abuse, and intimacy

3. Impostor syndrome in the world of privilege: who am I without my wealth?

This series is designed to provide you with fresh perspectives and actionable insights. These posts will offer practical steps to move forward with confidence.

Each part will share my unconventional perspective, addressing questions from clients and readers. After the New Year, I'll be opening a few coaching spots. While my current schedule is full, you can join the priority waitlist. Click here to to send an email with ‘YES’ in the the body and join the waitlist.

Moving forward together

These conversations aren't always comfortable, but they're necessary. My hope is that by writing about these topics, we can transform the pressures of privilege into opportunities for growth.

If my mother shudders again, I'll remind her: talking about money doesn't diminish its value—it adds context, clarity, and most importantly, humanity. It allows us to transform inherited privilege into intentional impact.

Whether you've been here since the beginning or are just discovering my work, I welcome your thoughts on this new direction. Please share this blog with others who might benefit from these conversations.

Stay tuned, I can’t wait to share this with you!

Here’s to this next chapter,

The power of gratitude: finding light in the darkness

As I sat at the kitchen table, the morning sun filtering through the window, I realized I needed a change. Life had been challenging, and I was caught in a cycle of self-criticism, fear, and indecision. That’s when I discovered the transformative power of gratitude—a simple yet profound practice that would become the foundation of my healing journey.

Each morning, I opened my notebook, took a deep breath, and with my favorite pen in hand, I began to write down three things I was grateful for.

At first, my list was simple: the warm sensation of coffee going down my throat, the embrace of my bed after a good night’s sleep, and the laughter of my children echoing through the house.

These everyday moments had always been there, but in my struggle, I had overlooked their significance.

As days passed, my gratitude list began to grow, encompassing not only blessings in my life but also people who had stood by me through thick and thin. I found myself giving thanks for friends who had been my support system, offering their ears, wise words, and hugs. I also expressed gratitude for new individuals who had entered my life, each bringing their own light and lessons.

Every evening, as I tucked my kids into bed, faces illuminated by the glow of the bedside lamp, I started a new tradition. After a simple prayer, I asked them to share three things they were grateful for.

Their answers, full of innocence and wonder, reminded me of the beauty that still existed in the world. They’d said, "Our dog, chocolate, you mom, and the whole family."

As I listened to their voices, I realized that I had been so focused on my struggles that I had forgotten to truly listen to others.

From that moment on, I made a promise to myself to be more present, to hear the stories and experiences of those around me, and to let their wisdom guide me on my own journey. I began to see that gratitude was not just a feeling, but a way of life – a choice to focus on the good, even when it seemed hard to find.

Through this daily practice of gratitude, I began to shift my perspective. The shadows of despair started to recede, replaced by a growing sense of hope and resilience. I discovered that by acknowledging the small things in my life, I was opening myself up to even greater abundance.

If you find yourself in a place of darkness, I invite you to try this simple but transformative practice. Start each day by writing down three things you are grateful for, no matter how small they may seem. Encourage your loved ones, especially children, to share their lists with you.

By cultivating a heart of gratitude, you too can begin to find the light that has always been there, waiting to guide you home.

Geeking out on combining Tiny Habits and the Three Gears

Yes, I am a habit geek who feels I’m onto something.

When it comes to getting rid of unwanted habits, the language we use matters. BJ Fogg, the behavioral researcher and creator of the Tiny Habits method, prefers the term "unraveling" to "breaking" when it comes to getting rid of bad habits. It's a perspective shared by Dr. Jud Brewer, who emphasizes the roles of awareness, curiosity, and kindness in loosening the grip of bad habits.

Fogg's concept of "Pearl Habits" recognizes that some habits, like an irritating grain of sand in an oyster, can be transformed over time. The key, he suggests, is to identify the anchor or prompt, the behavior, and the reward - and then to find a way to disrupt the habit loop.

This is where Brewer's 3 Gears method comes in, which he breaks down into: awareness of the habit loop, disenchantment with the reward, and finding a deeper reward through mindfulness and curiosity.

Imagine applying this curious awareness to a "Pearl Habit." You notice the prompt, say: a worry loop (Brewer's first gear). Instead of continuing to engage in the worry loop, pause and get curious (Brewer's second gear). What does the worry feel like in your body? Tension in your chest? What need is the habit trying to meet? A need for control?

Here's the key: You might still give in to the craving and keep worrying. But you do so mindfully, fully aware of your experience. And as you investigate, you might start to find the old reward less appealing (Brewer's disenchantment). Constant worrying might give you a brief sense of control, but it’s only fleeting and is exhausting.

This process of disenchantment is gradual. It's not about perfect abstinence or instant replacement. It's about being aware again and again of the unpleasant bodily sensations, until the old habit starts to lose its grip.

Over time, as you continually bring curious awareness to the habit loop, you create space for new patterns to emerge (Brewer's third gear). Brewer says that curiosity can activate the brain's reward system, releasing dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. Curiosity is what makes learning or exploring new things rewarding and motivating. Thanks to curiosity, you might discover deeper, more nourishing rewards - like a sense of peace, connection, or self-mastery.

This process is not linear. It's a dance of old and new, of slipping back and recommitting. But each moment of awareness is a small victory, a tiny untying of an old knot.

The key is to approach the process with patience and self-compassion. Curiosity, not harsh judgment, is the tool that unravels old patterns.

So the next time you find yourself in the grip of an unwanted habit, get curious and celebrate. Over time, the old habits will start to unravel, making space for new possibilities to emerge.

This is the power of curious awareness. It's a gentle, persistent force that can transform even the most stubborn habits. And it's available to us in every moment.

Karate, caretaking, and cognition

My karate sensei has never been a fan of mindless, repetitive training. He’s always cautioning us about the risks of practicing advanced katas incorrectly, especially when he’s not around to guide us. Without his watchful eye, we might end up ingraining some pretty bad habits.

Funnily enough, I came across a similar idea in a book my financial advisor recommended to me: 10x Is Easier Than 2x: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More by Doing Less by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. They take a swipe at Malcolm Gladwell's famous "10,000-hour rule," arguing that just putting in the hours doesn’t necessarily lead to improvement. In fact, you might just be reinforcing the same old patterns without actually making any real progress. For repetition to be effective, they say it needs to be goal oriented and done correctly.

This whole concept of deliberate practice struck a chord with me. It reminded me of the cow paths I used to see crisscrossing the fields outside my home in the Swiss Alps. The cows follow the same routes to the watering holes, day after day, etching these paths into the landscape. In a way, it’s similar to how we etch patterns into our brains through repeated behavior.

For me, these patterns often show up as over-functioning and caretaking tendencies, which can be really tough to change once they’re established.

That’s where mindfulness comes in. It’s about being aware of the discomfort and learning to sit with it, rather than just reacting on autopilot. I'm learning to set healthier boundaries, to honor my own needs and limits, and to show up for my loved ones in a way that's sustainable.

And that’s precisely why I love training with my sensei. He takes things slowly, breaking down each movement and focusing on the intention behind it. It’s all about creating the right “grooves” in our brains. By being mindful in our practice, we’re not just avoiding bad habits, but we’re actually enhancing the learning process.

Turns out, there’s some science to back this up. A recent study in the Journal of Human Kinetics looked at the cognitive benefits of martial arts. They compared the effect of a typical martial arts class, an atypical class with unfamiliar movements, and a one-hour walk on cognitive performance using the Stroop Color and Word test. The result? Both martial arts classes significantly improved executive function, which the researchers think is due to the complex motor tasks that require more cognitive effort than simpler activities like walking.

So, it seems my sensei’s approach - with its emphasis on mindful, deliberate practice - isn’t just helping us avoid bad habits, but it might actually be giving our brains a boost, especially as we get older. Just one more reason to love my Shotokan karate training.

As I continue on my journey, I'm realizing that the lessons I learn in the dojo have a way of spilling over into the rest of my life. Just as I'm learning to be mindful and deliberate in my karate practice, I'm also learning to pause and reflect before jumping into my old patterns of over-functioning and caretaking.