Searching for mushrooms

It was an August afternoon in the Swiss Alps when I set out on my hike to hunt for mushrooms. The air was warm and damp. Instead of walking the trail, I chose to bush wag up the tree line along the stream behind my house.

As I ascended, the incline steepened and the ground beneath my hiking boots softened. The stream gurgled. The bees hummed. My muscles engaged and I could feel the pulse increasing in my chest. I focused on breath and established a steady rhythm.

As I neared the special mushroom spot—a damp meadow with a group of conifers—my hiking boots pressed into the mossy grass a little faster than before. I had learned of this spot thanks to an ex-boyfriend. He was an experienced forager and in addition to teaching me how to identify two types of edible mushrooms—Chanterelles and Boletus aka porcini—he had made me promise to never to divulge his mushroom spots to anyone.

No matter how I hard I looked this time, no fungi could be found.

I gave up and kept climbing the mountain.

After 30 minutes, the trees and shrubs that had initially surrounded me started to thin out. The world around me began to widen, and I could see sweeping views of the valleys below.

The smell of earth and pine warmed by the sun mixed. A common buzzard emitting a series of high-pitched whistles soared above my head. Problems and worries started to dissipate. I found myself in a rhythm, like a dance between my breath, my legs, and the earth.

About an hour after I had left my home, I summited and found the surrounding beauty and views dizzying. Clouds cast shadows on the landscape. My skin cooled thanks to a breeze. I was happy to be alive. My mind was clear and worries were gone.

While descending, I retraced my steps.

As I reached that special mushroom spot—where the damp meadow and the group of conifers were—I suddenly spotted bright golden shapes in the moss. As I got nearer, I saw the telltale wavy edges and gills. Chanterelles! How had I missed them during my ascent? Had they grown while I had summited? Why was I now able to see them and not before?

Perhaps, the character Katherine in the movie Under the Tuscan Sun was on to something when she said: “When I was a little girl, I used to run around in the fields all day, trying unsuccessfully to catch ladybugs. Finally, I would get tired and lay down for a nap. When I awoke, I’d find ladybugs walking all over me.” 

When we least expect it and slow down, things come to us.

It’s a bit like searching for a partner. We go on dating apps and come up disappointed. When we least expected it, we meet someone who fits. That search for happiness can be elusive but when we stop trying so hard and just be, our eyes see things we normally wouldn’t see.

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What I've learned from ants

A therapist once told me that ants have two stomachs, a “true stomach” and a “social stomach.” When an ant finds food, it takes the food into its social stomach and stores it there. Upon returning to the colony, the ant will regurgitate the food to feed the other ants. This is called trophallaxis and it benefits the colony, by strengthening bonds, reinforcing nest-mate recognition, and feeding larvae and queen. Scientists say this behavior contributes to the resilience and wellbeing of the colony.

An ant will not feed from its own social stomach, even if it is starving.

If an ant is alone and hungry—and its social stomach is full—it will not eat from it. Instead, it will wander and run about erratically, frantically, and aimlessly. It will repeat movements ad nauseum until it eventually dies. Scientists call this the "death spiral," "circle of death," or "desert ant syndrome."

I still wonder what that therapist was trying to tell me.

Was I like a lone ant who couldn’t give myself what I needed emotionally? Did I lose my sense of direction when I was isolated? Did I become stressed and busy, running around searching for a mate or family?

Ants have been on earth for tens of millions of years longer than humans. Perhaps, their evolutionary success was due to their organized social structure and interdependent division of labor within colonies.

Perhaps we are better together than alone. Perhaps, we need each other.

Perhaps we should be looking at ants for answers to our societal problems.

Why I'm ditching social media

This year, I closed my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts. The one exception has been LinkedIn because it’s a professional site, where I am not tempted to post pet pictures or any subject not aligned with my business.

I figure if my friends really like me, they have my number.

Honestly, the amount of noise out there is deafening. Spreading myself too thin is never a good idea.

Social media caused every “friend” to take on the same importance. I knew more about an acquaintance’s vacation than about an old friend, whom I was neglecting.

Why was I was having deeper and more meaningful exchanges with friends NOT on social media than with those who were on those sites?

With a heavy heart, I wrote a final post. I explained my desire to leave social media, needing time to read long-form articles and novels, to write my own book, and to interact with friends and family.

I also wrote that I no longer wanted to be out of integrity. Even though some of the content on social media was positive, I felt I was inviting active alcoholics to a bar to serve them tea.

One friend wrote: “Just do it.”

So, I did.

So how is life now?

Do I miss it? I don’t. It took a lot of time and it felt superficial. I don't miss any important information. Any group I belong to sends emails with important information. I’m missing the chit chat. Oh well.

Now, a few months later, I can say my mind is clearer and more focused. I attribute this benefit to no longer being engaged in addictive behavior.

Dr. Gabor Mate defines addiction as:

“… any behavior that gives you temporary relief, temporary pleasure, but in the long-term causes harm, has some negative consequences and you can't give it up, despite those negative consequences. And from that perspective, you can understand that there are many, many addictions.”

Alcohol and drugs cause clear harm, but constantly looking at my phone was a behavior, the harm of which was kind of fuzzy.

Here are some positive consequences of not being on social media?

1.     Better relationships: It’s well known that social media use leads to less face-to-face interaction. Now that I’m not constantly looking at my phone, I’m engaged with friends and family. Through non-spoken communication, I no longer send the message that they are unimportant. In addition, I’m having fewer conflicts arising from obtuse posts or comments. Haven’t we all experienced misunderstandings due to an awkwardly written comment online?

2.     Paying attention to uncomfortable feelings: When I avoided my feelings by looking at social media, I was fueling addiction. Instead of being aware of the discomfort within—such as when I felt hungry, angry, lonely, and tired—I automatically looked outward to distract myself. When we avoid how we are feeling, we get anxious, depressed, isolated, and harbor low self-esteem. Now, if I feel stress, I use other means to find relief such as deep breaths, walks, runs, support group meetings, and hot baths.

3.     Caring for real-life responsibilities: When we excessively look at our screens instead of connecting with our children, exercising, or cooking healthy meals, we are neglecting our duties. I found it hard to disconnect from the constant flow of information and notifications. I wasted time and my productivity plummeted. We say we value our families or partners but spend entire vacations glued to our screens putting our integrity into question.

4.     Feeling better about myself: Haven’t you noticed that those with the most perfect Instagram accounts are the ones going through the hell? If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. So why subject yourself to illusions and to the potential risk of feeling constant pressure to maintain a perfect image? It’s been proven that comparing ourselves to others on social media is a huge cause of mental health issues, including eating disorders.

5.     Away from trolls It’s well-known that social media platforms are breeding grounds for harassment, cyberbullying, unkind words, threats, and intimidation. Suicide has resulted in some cases. Long-form platforms like blogs and professional platforms like LinkedIn don’t attract as many trolls, who prefer to hide behind fake names and prefer short form content.

6.     Better attention span: Author Cal Newport writes about "how to perform productive, valuable and meaningful work in an increasingly distracted digital age." I’ve noticed the shortened attention spans in myself and in my own family. We read fewer books and my kids’ generation doesn’t seem to read at all. Persistent exposure to bite-sized content on social media leads to shortened attention spans. No wonder we are finding it hard to concentrate on longer or more complex tasks. Now, I am reading and writing more.

7.     Being less manipulated: My well-intentioned, highly emotional, and compassionate friends were spreading headlines of articles. They only followed either CNN or Fox. Many hadn’t read foreign press or used alternative search engines. Many didn’t have time to listen to both sides, because one side was distasteful to them. They weren’t aware of their cognitive biases. Instead, they shared posts that manipulated friends and family to sow fear. Their discourse was angry. When they saw a 30-second clip of video of a person getting arrested, they were outraged. They didn’t bother to search and watch the entire five-minute version of the perpetrator pulling out a gun before the police acted. People acting upon “disinformation and misinformation” has led to multinational media companies censoring voices, virtue-signaling, and authoritarian over-reach. The government’s involvement in censoring truth on social media is now known. No wonder people distrust media. I feel free in searching for the truth off social media.

8.     Connecting: Social media is designed to show us content that aligns with our beliefs. This reinforces our “being right.” It’s like being in an echo chamber. Where are the millions of others who have a different opinion? These social media algorithms reinforce polarization increasing division and hostility even in families. Sigh…

9.     Not being targeted: I don’t like to be sold. Who does? Social media platforms collect data from us. Who we interact with, what we search for, and how often we interact online is all recorded. We are the product. Read Dopamine Nation by Dr. Dr. Anna Lembke. She’s a psychiatrist who explores why relentlessly pursuing pleasure leads to pain. Not to mention, the privacy concern. Data breaches and unauthorized access to sensitive information happen daily. There is a reason the Chinese government doesn’t use Google. You say you have nothing to hide now; but what if this data falls into the wrong hands and you don’t think the right way?

10.  Feeling at peace: Not being on social media has gotten rid of the fear of missing out (FOMO) and of an environment of constant comparison. I no longer feel left-out or inadequate when comparing my life to the fake perfect lives of others as seen on social media.

11.  Being active: Social media is associated with sedentary behavior and physical health problems like obesity, depression, and lack of vitamin D. I’m more active now that my head isn’t in a screen.

As Dr. Andrew Huberman says: “Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure. The former emerges passively.”

Once I got my nose out of my cell phone, the world opened to me.

Consistency

Often people go to extremes to improve their wellbeing. They sign up for marathons, eat restrictive diets, and sit for hour-long meditations. They start, stop, and lose hope.

I've been there. I've gone to unsustainable and unhealthy extremes, focused on outward appearances rather than on energy, balance, core, flexibility, relaxation, focus, tranquility, and physical ability.

To lose weight, I'd run hard for miles one day followed by weeks of inactivity. I didn’t stretch. I didn’t pause to breathe.

Things came to a head when I found myself alone in the Swiss Alps, raising two small children, and going through a divorce. Evenings, I had no adult social interaction. I sat at my desk writing articles for the local magazine and did my bookkeeping.

Fearing I might injure my back carrying my then-two-year-old, I committed to weekly strength training with a trainer, who happened to also be my kids’ karate instructor.

One day, after listening to me talk about my fears about the divorce, my trainer said: “Why don’t you come to karate class tomorrow night? You can try it three times for free.”

I booked a babysitter and let me tell you: that first karate class changed my life.

It was social. I met other adults who were kind, positive, fit, and helpful.

It was mindful: I couldn’t think of anything else during training and the "kiais' or short shouts while punching focused me on breath.

It was physical: it was cardio and strength training combined and it got my heart rate up without killing me.

It was healthy: we stretched before and after class.

It was consistent: I committed to two classes a week. I rarely missed a class. There were times early on when I didn’t feel like going, but not wanting to waste the money I had spent on the babysitter forced me out the door.

It was spiritual: I became more tranquil than before. Karate has helped me let go of things I couldn't change.

Now, 17 years later, I find myself a black belt, training three to six times per week. Tonight, I’m in Scotland for a summer camp that has drawn over 100 karateka from all over the world, including the trainer who introduced me to the martial art. Karate has helped me with stability, strength, and stamina in other sports, including horseback riding, skiing, hiking, cycling, and running.

I have come a long way in my thinking about movement and wellbeing. I no longer want to destroy my body with extreme runs or sedentary living. I don’t like allowing more than a couple days go by without movement.

What do you do consistently every week, no matter how small? Send us an email with your questions here.