Forget willpower

Psychiatrist Dr. Jud Brewer says focusing on willpower is counterproductive when wanting to change our eating habits.

Instead, he says to embrace kindness and feeling good. Speaking to this is BJ Fogg’s maxim, “People change best by feeling good, not feeling bad.”

Your belief in willpower will do more harm than good.

And Dr. Brewer should know. He’s worked with hard-core addicts who commonly judge and shame themselves.

Dr. Brewer espouses the definition of addiction as: “continued use despite adverse consequences.”

So why would someone eat when not hungry?

To get rid of a craving, he says.

So how do we get rid of cravings?

Here is Dr. Brewer’s R.A.I.N. practice:

• R = Recognize/realize: Pay attention. What do I get from this behavior?

• A = Acceptance/Allow: Accept or lean into your craving.

• I = Investigate: get curious about what it feels like in your body

• N = Note: make a note mentally or on paper about how it feels

But what if I can’t control my behavior in the face of triggers: i.e. people, places and things.

• You’re not going to avoid triggers.

• Triggers are least important, as they don’t reinforce behaviors. Emotions reinforce behaviors. So focus on the reward. What are you getting from the behavior? Stress release?

But what about self-judgment? How does one get rid of that? Dr. Brewer says self-judgment is a blocker of curiosity. He advises to:

• Allow space for self-compassion. Lean into kindness.

• Ask yourself: “what am I getting from self-judgment?”

• When you realize that self-judgement doesn’t feel good… Think of a time when someone was kind to you.

• What does it feel like when you are kind to someone else?

• What’s it like when you actually are kind to yourself and not self-indulgent such as when you overeat ice cream? Think of a time when you were actually meeting your needs. Indulgence is not self-kindness.

People often ask me how I am able to stay off sugar and alcohol. My answer? Getting rid of decision fatigue and embracing self-compassion.  If you’re looking to get fit and healthy in 2024, book a coaching session with me. I’ll help you get rid of your inner critic. You can read reviews at Diana O Coaching.

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Quit making excuses: why I don't do New Year's resolutions

Tomorrow is National Quitters Day. Research has shown that 80% of people who make New Year's resolutions quit by the second Friday in January.

I'm not big on resolutions, but I do see January 1st as an opportunity to face reality and break out of denial. It's a chance for redemption and self-analysis by examining my life under a microscope and asking, "What is this habit or activity in service of?"

The holiday break allows mental space and perspective to evaluate aspects of life we overlook when busier. Freed from constant routines, we can put habits, commitments, and activities under the microscope in a way that the rest of the year doesn't allow.

I usually start January by categorizing everything into "continue, stop, start" columns. Sometimes, I experiment. Over Christmas, I quit my daily sun salutation habit, using the excuse of no yoga mat and inner voice saying, “You deserve a break." I wanted to see if I missed it.

Honestly? Not really. But trying it today felt good, so I'll use the Tiny Habits method to bring it back.

What are excuses? Doubt. Doubting an activity will work means you'll quit when it gets hard. If we wholly believed going gluten-free for a month would change our lives, we'd power through.

Rather than lofty resolutions, why not stop making excuses. As the Big Book of AA says: “Half measures availed us nothing.” You're either committed or you're not.

For me, that's my stance on alcohol, sugar, flour, and one-night stands. I don't entertain them because I know the consequences wouldn't be pretty.

Community, nature and connection: remembering past hikes

I rarely missed our Thursday hikes.

There’s a reason the Peripatetic school founded by Aristotle, did their best philosophical work while walking. This article “How Walking Fosters Creativity: Stanford Researchers Confirm What Philosophers & Writers Have Always Known” reminds us of the benefits.

Despite being one of the hardest times in my life, I look back fondly at those days thanks to rejuvenating, mindful walks and a wonderful community.

Now, I’m in a WhatApp group chat with former parents from my kids’ old school in Switzerland. After many years they are still hiking together every Thursday and posting pictures. Whenever I see their cheerful messages and Swiss Alpine nature-filled photographs of healthy, smiling faces, I feel a pang of sadness missing such a wonderful community and weekly ritual.

Juliane, our group leader, usually sent a text by Wednesday with the location, time and hike details. She picked trails and routes based on weather and conditions. On Thursdays, we’d drive 45 to 90 minutes after school drop off— some carpooling, some bringing dogs—and meet at a trailhead around 9:30am. We’d hike two to three hours and stop for lunch at a mountain restaurant before heading home in time to greet our kids from school.

Aristotle, Nietzsche, Gros, Rimbaud, Kant, Rousseau, Thoreau, Wordsworth, Austen, and others were on to something.

Discipline can save lives

The successful evacuation of all 379 passengers from the Japan Airlines plane in just 90 seconds is remarkable. According to reports, passengers followed flight attendant instructions to exit the plane without retrieving their hand luggage.

As the fire safety expert stated, passengers retrieving luggage could have slowed the evacuation. This incident highlights the importance of airline staff training passengers on safety protocols and calm obedience of procedures.

Many see discipline as a misuse of power to undermine civil liberties. However, when properly applied - as in this evacuation - discipline can save lives.